He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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