i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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