Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
