I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
