I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
