You just made me feel so damn special
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
