First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
