Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
