Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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