I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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