Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
