Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
