It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
