Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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