In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
