Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
