I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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