my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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