Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There r osticjed everywhere
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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