Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
