i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
