He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
