You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
