i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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