you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Who died my cat blue again?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
