I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize