You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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