my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't think brook has ever known best
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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