they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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