i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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