Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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