Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?

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  (973): who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture? http://tfl.nu/e2ho
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This house was built for laser tag.

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  (336): This house was built for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/32ag
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

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  (901): He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/xizg
  Replies (12) Good night (665) Bad night (6180)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone

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  (513): i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone http://tfl.nu/hza4
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.

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  (727): Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think? (1-727): I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again. http://tfl.nu/gesf
  Replies (32) Good night (2581) Bad night (4441)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.

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  (501): Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to. http://tfl.nu/4qds
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

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  (918): Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right? http://tfl.nu/jzhy
  Replies (2) Good night (1905) Bad night (573)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab

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  (705): And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab http://tfl.nu/8keh
  Replies (9) Good night (1746) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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  (202): All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad" http://tfl.nu/wm4r
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (1495) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.

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  (773): Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys. http://tfl.nu/y8cg
  Replies (2) Good night (2063) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth

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  (607): Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth http://tfl.nu/3kds
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words

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  (802): Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words http://tfl.nu/ilbf
  Replies (0) Good night (858) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here

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  (615): you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here http://tfl.nu/rzkr
  Replies (2) Good night (944) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days

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  (604): Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days (1-604): Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days http://tfl.nu/vv75
  Replies (2) Good night (598) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?

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  (770): So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night? http://tfl.nu/hytr
  Replies (3) Good night (392) Bad night (172)

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