shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just google imaged poop.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
