Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
