There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
