I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
