Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i now understand why vodka
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