Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize