Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
