The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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