First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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