So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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