Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize