Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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