Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
