need another drink. this is the easiest way
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
