Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
