We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
