I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
40s are totally the cure
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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