So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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