um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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