Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
