When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
