In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
