Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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