Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
