hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
